Dear Last First:  On Consistency and Exclusivity

Dear Last First:
When we meet I’ll probably be seeing other people or at the very least someone else.

I’m trying to be open and available when I meet you. I don’t want to be jaded or closed off when we cross paths.  I’d like to give you/us a chance.

Dear, Last First,  if you have any fuckboy behavior that you have to work through please handle it quickly. I have neither the time nor the patience to wait foe58c368ee562344082ff6eb191cce0e1r you to grow out of it.

That being said, I will need you to be consistent.  Before we can have a conversation about exclusivity I’ll need to see that you’re worth it.  I promise that I’ll show my interest and effort consistently.  I’ll work on my communication.  I’ll listen to your needs.  Before we get there though I need to know that we’re on the same page.

My dear Last First, I promise I’ll watch your actions more than I listen to your words. I promise I’ll watch your behavior and how it pertains to me. I promise I’m doing the same with all my potential suitors as I’d like to have a heart left to share with you.

Dear Last First, I hope you are taking care of yourself. Be careful out there in the world.

I can’t wait to meet you.

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The Sound of Heartbreak

It’s in the still moments in the pockets of silence in noisy rooms in the spaces between pressed bodies that I find that my heart still beats unevenly, still hasn’t found its rhythm, still trips over the shards of your promises.

It’s in these very moments when all is gay and merry when laughter fills the room that I am unable to join in as I find that I must fight back the tears at the very thought of you.

It’s the second it takes for a joke to register and my smile to form. The time between seeing your face and remembering you aren’t mine.

If you listen carefully you can hear the pieces fall.

Luckily no one listens, or cares and thus the sound of heartbreak seems like a deafening silence.

So in my silence please know that I am trying my best to muffle the sound of all my hurt and tears. If you hear it, smile and pretend you didn’t.

Dear Last First- About My Defenses

Dear Last First,

I’m sure you have noticed that I am very guarded. I like to think that I keep my heart in an ivory tower surrounded by a moat behind an impossibly high wall. Experience with previous first has thought me extreme caution.

Be patient with me when my sarcasm is the first thing I respond with. Be kind when I open up. Be honest in your interest. Be open with me and I’ll be the same with you. Share with me your ups and downs so we can learn how we’ll be when times are rough.

I find that I am afraid at the thought of letting someone in and being taken advantage of.

Getting me to let my guard down is not an impossible task. If you are open and willing to work to get to know me this could be great. I promise you won’t have to scale the wall or fight dragons. I’ll climb down the tower stairs, lower the drawbridge and open the gates to let you in.

Hopefully, all my defenses don’t scare you away.

Be safe. I can’t wait to meet you!

5 Ways to Get Moving in the Morning

My Mother’s Daughter can be such a procrastinator. I often find myself waking up early but still leaving the house later than I would like. It’s an ongoing battle for me.

This morning, while laying in bed when I could have been working out, I scoured the net for ways to get my day started right.

Here are some of the tips I found. Just in case you too have this affliction.ea53a9604b8b629c3a7aeaddcbe8b005-wake-up-time-morning-background

Mind Body Green has a great article on 5 Positive Ways to Start Your Morning.

I found number one to be a great start.

1. When you wake up in the morning, take a few minutes to check-in (go within). Take a few deep breaths and find something that you’re gratefulfor (your children, partner, your health, the warm bed you are in, nature outside your window). Take this time to be thankful for all that you have in your life instead of wasting your energy on thinking about what you don’t have.

Read the rest of the article here.

 

The Positivity Blog has 7 tips on how to start your day.

5. Get some positive information into your mind over breakfast.

Start your day with something that does not depress you or makes you feel powerless to change your life or the world in some small or bigger way.

Add inspiration and optimism by for example:

  • Reading one or a couple of new posts from positive, funny or uplifting blogs or websites.
  • Listening to a podcast that boosts your motivation.
  • Reading a chapter from a book that inspires you.

The other tips can be found on their site.

 

The largest list I found was at lifehack.org. They have 25 ideas for starting your day off right!

For me the hardest of these would be number 7.

7. Stay off social media

If you’re one of the people that checks their social media or email as soon as you wake up – stop that now! I didn’t realize how much it affects you until you stop doing it for a while. Each morning spent away from social media is so much more relaxed, peaceful, and joyful. We aren’t screamed at by a constant influx of information and messages and our mind has the capacity to just be.

Would any of these tips work for you? What have you tried that gets you going in the morning?

 

 

 

SEX – A Short Story

His gaze swept over her and she basked in its warmth as one would the suns rays after they emerged from cloudy cover.  She stared at his lips,  full and soft, delicious like swiss spun chocolate.  His kisses starting behind her right  ear and cascading down her neck.  Halting on her collar bone and causing her knees to nearly give up the task of holding her upright. She wrapped her arms around his rock solid waist and ran her fingers up his washboard abs. Lord knew the man had earned every single bit of his fine physique.

Moaning as she attempted to get even closer to him she wrapped her legs around him to prepare for his thrust and she was shaken out of her reverie.

“So is that a yes,” he repeated. “Yes, we should have sex.” Realizing she’d spoken aloud her face burned with shame. Fantasies were one thing but say out loud anything even hinting at the nature of the thoughts she had whenever he was near was unbelievable.  “Maybe if dinner goes really well we shall,”he quipped. Oh God, please open the floor to swallow me whole, she pleaded.

When a few seconds passed and that didn’t occur she finally raised her eyes to his and responded with a subdued, “Yes. I meant yes we should have dinner. Nothing more.” His eyes twinkled as he gazed down into her eyes as if he knew that he could take her right on the oversized desk in her office and she wouldn’t even bother to lock the door.   “Then I will see you tonight at eight.”

Accuracy- A Short Story

Firefly was in his zone. The tropical heat on the pleasure boat was perfect for a lethargic afternoon of lazy love making between beautiful people. He looked over at the absolutely stunning curly haired beauty laying on her stomach next to him. If only it were that kind of trip. 
 
“Here they come.” With that one sentence she snapped him to attention. They both turned their gazes forward to the seven men walking down the steps. They were huddled close to one man in dark shades in the center. Firefly temporarily tuned out the siren at his side. Even Double Tap could not sway his thoughts for the next ninety seconds. 
 
When they were done. He looked over at her with a wide grin as she packed and began to walk away.
 
“Say it ain’t so? The great Double Tap has been bested? Not by the lowly Firefly?”
 
She stopped mid stride and  turned to face him.
 
“How, pray tell,  have you bested me?” 
 
He couldn’t believe her question. “Only one of the bodies lying on the beach has your signature two shot kill method. The other six have neat single bullets to the brain. No second bullet to the heart. I win.”
 
His words seemed to amuse her as she blessed him with one her rare radiant smiles.
 
“You seem to be under the erroneous impression that quantity matters. The kill order was for one. The others where necessary casualties. So your six pay one hundred and twenty thousand dollars. My one pays a half million. Maybe next time you should concentrate on the accuracy of your aim and not the speed of your outcome. We have two hours before the next set of guards arrive. Is it okay with you if we leave the island now?”
 
One of these days he was going to beat her.  Unfortunately he had to acknowledge that this was not that day as he started  the ship.
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Red Rage- A Short Story

She stared at the man across from her.  In his grey off rack suit she found he was interesting. No, not really interesting. Unassuming. That was it. He was very unassuming. The kind of man you wouldn’t remember if asked to describe him. He was nothing like her husband, ex husband, former husband? She wasn’t sure what to call him but he was nothing like Charlie.

Charlie and his toothy grin and sweet sugar coated words.The more he spoke to her the more his unceasing questions caused her to think of Charlie. Her handsome, rotten, lying Charlie. Charlie who sent her a text just that morning claiming he couldn’t wait to see her. Said he had big  plans for when she got home tomorrow. Her husband who must have been exhausted from his previous nights activities when he sent that message and probably had not received the email with her flight change. She thought of how excited she was to go home to her loving, doting husband. Thought of how widely she’d smiled when she received that message.

A smile that did not last when she walked into her bedroom and saw her husband and that woman in her bed together. The more she thought of the rage that consumed her the more her sight was clouded with a rage filled blood lust.

The rage she felt just became red. Red hot betrayal. Branding her very soul. Crashing into her and completely taking over her very reason.

“Do you hear me Mrs. Cooper?” She felt herself being pulled out of her daze.

“Yes detective. I hear you.”

She looked down at her hands and realized she still had blood under her nails. On her clothes. All of it so very red. She wasn’t sure how much of it was Charlie’s and how much was that woman’s. She’d always hated the way she looked in red.

“Will you be calling my lawyer or shall I be allowed to call him myself.”

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?”

“Yes. Unless I can clean up first?”bloody_crown_by_jhontatan-d6eha3n

I am My Mother’s Daughter

My Mother’s Daughter is a strange bird. She believes in self love but sometimes forgets to apply that belief to herself.

Isn’t it strange that although we very often know exactly what we need to facilitate our own healing we shy away from it?

I could write a book on all the things that I could d daily, or even weekly, to truly start loving myself. I could meditate more often. I could pray with unceasingly with the fervor of the saints. I could eat only the best raw organic foods. I could be honest with myself about where I am in my life and where I want to be. Why am I not doing these things?

Great question. What about you? Are you doing the things a person who actually loves themselves would do?

self-love