It’s in the still moments in the pockets of silence in noisy rooms in the spaces between pressed bodies that I find that my heart still beats unevenly, still hasn’t found its rhythm, still trips over the shards of your promises.
It’s in these very moments when all is gay and merry when laughter fills the room that I am unable to join in as I find that I must fight back the tears at the very thought of you.
It’s the second it takes for a joke to register and my smile to form. The time between seeing your face and remembering you aren’t mine.
If you listen carefully you can hear the pieces fall.
Luckily no one listens, or cares and thus the sound of heartbreak seems like a deafening silence.
So in my silence please know that I am trying my best to muffle the sound of all my hurt and tears. If you hear it, smile and pretend you didn’t.
Thank you, in advance.
Thank you for not finding me to be too much, too extra, too much to handle, too dramatic, too anything.
Thank you for finding me to be just enough for you. Thank you for your patience, thank you for your understanding, thank for realizing that I give so much more than I get.
Thank you for growing with me, learning with me and just being you.
Thank you for being a good match to all my extra, over the top, too much, too dramatic. Thank you for this unconditional acceptance that makes you the Last First. Thank you for being you and accepting me.
Dear Last First, I can’t wait to meet you. Be careful out there in the world.
Thank you in advance.
you are so addictive.
It’s like I got a chance to try a line of pure cocaine and then was cut off and left to have crack.
Let’s face it,
crack is WHACK.
I’m not sure how to fight the addiction but I sure wish you were around to wean me off correctly,
to make sure I could come down off this high properly without the crash.